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Watch John Mayer–being honesty, witty, and the wonderful guitar player/songwriter that he is–on Vh1’s Storytellers. Despite the rumors that he’s a womanizing douche and despite his silly singing face, I LOVE HIM AND WANT HIM.

http://www.vh1.com/video/play.jhtml?id=1629394

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These nominations do not reflect the opinions of the editors at All Things Fangirl, but rather the Fangirl Academy, made up of 50 lovely ladies who follow us on Twitter, read the blog, or know us in real life. In the case of a tie for the final slot in a category, the ATFG editors acted as the tie-breaker. Some ladies couldn’t get their ballots in on time, so we padded the roster by recruiting some geeky friends and neighbors to help out, but the Academy will be voting on the winners.

Ballots to pick the winners will go out this week & the results will be announced March 4th!

* – Editor’s Choice – Certain categories have extra nomination. These additions represent something one of the editors at ATFG feels passionately about that we want to encourage you to check out! Often, the editor’s choice was in 6th place for the nomination.

Best Picture
Avatar
(500) Days of Summer
District 9
Fantastic Mr Fox
The Hurt Locker
Inglorious Basterds
Moon
Star Trek
Up
Up in the Air

Honorable Mentions: The Hangover, Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince, Watchmen, Sherlock Holmes

Best Actor
Colin Firth – A Single Man
George Clooney – Up in the Air
Jeff Bridges – Crazy Heart
Robert Downey Jr – Sherlock Holmes
Sharlto Copley – District 9
Sam Rockwell – Moon*

Honorable Mentions: Jeremy Renner, Joseph Gorden Levitt, Michael Stulbarg, Matt Damon, Chris Pine

Best Actress
Carey Mulligan – An Education
Gabourey Sidibie – Precious
Meryl Streep – Julie & Julia
Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side
Zoe Saldana – Avatar

Honorable Mentions: Emily Blunt, Zooey Deschanel, Ellen Page

Best Supporting Actor
Christolph Waltz – Inglorious Basterds [EC: This man is in the wrong category.]
Brad Pitt – Inglorious Basterds
Stanley Tucci – Julie & Julia
Woody Harrelson – The Messenger
Zachary Quinto – Star Trek

Honorable Mentions: Karl Urban, Simon Pegg, Jude Law, Zach Galifianakis, Jackie Earle Haley, Anthony Mackie

Best Supporting Actress
Anna Kendrick – Up in the Air
Diane Kruger – Inglorious Basterds
Melanie Laurent – Inglorious Basterds
Mo’Nique – Precious
Vera Farmiga – Up in the Air

Honorable Mentions: Sigourney Weaver, Julianne Moore, Penelope Cruz

Best Director
Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker
Jim Cameron – Avatar
Quentin Tarantino – Inglorious Basterds
Neill Blomkamp – District 9
JJ Abrams – Star Trek

Honorable Mentions: Jason Reitman, Duncan Jones, Zach Snyder, Pete Docter, Coen Brothers, Spike Jonze

The rest after the jump!

Best Adapted Screenplay
District 9 – Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell
Fantastic Mr Fox – Wes Anderson & Noah Baumbach
Watchmen – David Hayer & Alex Tse
Where The Wild Things Are – Spike Jonze & Dave Eggers
Up In the Air – Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner

Honorable Mentions: Coraline, Harry Potter: HBP, Precious, An Education, A Single Man

Best Original Screenplay
(500) Days of Summer – Scott Neustadter & Michael H. Weber
The Hurt Locker – Mark Boal
Inglorious Basterds – Quentin Tarantino
Moon – Duncan Jones & Nathan Parker
Up – Pete Docter, Bob Peterson & Thomas McCarthy

Honorable Mentions: A Serious Man, Zombieland

Best Score
Avatar – James Horner
Star Trek – Michael Giacchino
Sherlock Holmes – Hans Zimmer
Up – Michael Giacchino
Where The Wild Things Are – Karen O & Carter Burwell
Fantastic Mr Fox – Alexandre Desplat*

World I Most Want To Visit
Hogwarts – Harry Potter: HBP
Pandora – Avatar
Paradise Falls – Up
The USS Enterprise – Star Trek
Where the Wild Things are – Where the Wild Things Are (Which I personally find terrifying…)

Honorable Mentions: Guy Ritchie’s Victorian England (Sherlock Holmes), Tom’s Dance Number – (500) Days of Summer

Best On Screen Animal
Ash Fox – Fantastic Mr Fox
Cat from Coraline
Dug – Up
Kevin – Up
Mr Fox – Fantastic Mr Fox

Honorable Mentions: Turok – Avatar, The Tiger – The Hangover, Raymond – Princess & The Frog

Best Chemistry – Romantic – Film
George Clooney & Vera Farmiga as Ryan & Alex – Up in the Air
Joseph Gordon Levitt & Zooey Deschanel as Tom & Summer – (500) Days of Summer
Zach Quinto & Zoe Saldana as Spock & Uhura – Star Trek
Sam Worthington & Zoe Saldana as Hot Blue Cat People – Avatar
Colin Firth & Matthew Goode – A Single Man
Meryl Streep & Stanley Tucci as Paul & Julia Child – Julia & Julia
Zac Efron & Leslie Mann – 17 Again
Sandra Bullock & Ryan Reynolds as Margaret & Andrew – The Proposal
Emily Blunt & Rupert Friend as Victoria & Albert – The Young Victoria
Alec Baldwin & Meryl Streep as Jane & Jake – It’s Complicated

Best Chemistry – Platonic – Film
The Boys from The Hangover
Megan Fox & Amanda Seyfried as Jennifer & Needy – Jennifer’s Body
Paul Rudd & Jason Segal as Peter & Sydney – I Love You Man
The Basterds – Inglorious Basterds
Sam Rockwell & Kevin Spacey as Sam & Gerty – Moon
Jude Law & Robert Downey Jr as Holmes & Watson – Sherlock Holmes
Zachary Quinto & Chris Pine as Spock & Kirk – Star Trek
Chris Pine & Simon Pegg as Scotty & Kirk – Star Trek
Ellen Page & Alia Shakat – Whip it
Jessie Eisenberg & Woody Harrelson – Zombieland
Donald Glover, DC Pierson & Dominic Dierkes as The Mystery Team – Mystery Team

Voiceover Performance
Dakotah Fanning – Coraline – Coraline
George Clooney – Mr Fox – Fantastic Mr Fox
Ed Asner – Carl – Up
James Gandolfini – Carol – Where the Wild Things Are
Jason Schwartzman – Ash – Fantastic Mr Fox
Kevin Spacey – Gerty – Moon*
Keith David – Coraline AND The Princess and the Frog*

Honorable Mentions: Jordan Nagai (Up), Teri Hatcher (Coraline), Meryl Streep (Fantastic Mr Fox)

Epic Fail Movie – Genre
Dragonball: Evolution
GI Joe
New Moon
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Epic Fail Movie – Non-Genre
Bride Wars
Bruno
He’s Just Not That Into You
The Ugly Truth
Year One

Best Characterization of an Established Figure
Captain Kirk – Star Trek
Hitler – Inglorious Basterds
Rorschach – Watchmen
Spock – Star Trek
Sherlock Holmes – Sherlock Holmes

Honorable Mentions: Julia Child, Nelson Mandela, Bones McCoy, Max (WTWTA)

Best Fight/Battle Sequence
Avatar Final Battle
D9 Final Battle
Inglorious Basterds Final Sequence
Star Trek Orbital Sky Dive Sequence
Zombieland Carnival
Drag Me To Hell Car Scene*

Honorable Mentions: Sherlock Holmes London Bridge(wherein the hero monologues as the villain dangles from a bridge. Epic win.)

Guiltiest Pleasure – Film
17 Again
He’s Just Not That Into You
GI Joe
Jennifer’s Body
New Moon
Knowing**

Best Animated Film
Coraline
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Fantastic Mr Fox
The Princess & The Frog
Up

Best TV Show – Drama
Battlestar Galactica
Dexter
Mad Men
Lost
True Blood
Supernatural*

Honorable Mentions: Fringe, Dollhouse, Chuck

Best TV Show – Comedy
Glee
Modern Family
30 Rock
Community
How I Met Your Mother

Honorable Mentions: The Big Bang Theory, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Best Actor – Drama TV
Edward James Olmos – Battlestar Galactica
Enver Gjokaj – Dollhouse
Jon Hamm – Mad Men
Michael C Hall – Dexter
Michael Emerson – Lost
Jim Bevaer – Supernatural*

Honorable Mentions: Nathan Fillion, David Tennant, Hugh Laurie, Terry O Quinn, Zachary Levi, John Noble, James Callis

Best Actor – Comedy TV
Alec Baldwin – 30 Rock
Jeremy Piven – Entourage
Jim Parsons – The Big Bang Theory
Neil Patrick Harris – How I Met Your Mother
Steve Carell – The Office

Best Actress – Drama TV
Christina Hendricks – Mad Men
Katee Sackhoff – Battlestar Galactica
Mary McDonnell – Battlestar Galactica
Olivia Williams – Dollhouse
Toni Collette – The United States of Tara

Honorable Mentions: Anna Torv, Dichen Lachman, Anna Paquin, Emily Deschanel

Best Actress – Comedy TV
Alyson Hannigan – How I Met Your Mother
Jane Lynch – Glee
Lea Michele – Glee
Mary Louise Parker – Weeds
Tina Fey – 30 Rock

Best Chemistry – Romantic TV
Bill/Sookie – True Blood
Chuck/Blair – Gossip Girl
Chuck/Sara – Chuck
Eric/Sookie – True Blood
Lee/Kara – BSG
Marshall/Lily – How I Met Your Mother
Pam/Jim – The Office
Sawyer/Juliet – Lost
Sawyer/Kate – Lost
Victor/Sierra – Dollhouse

Best Chemistry – Platonic TV
Abed/Troy – Community
Adama/Tigh – BSG
Adele/Topher – Dollhouse
Jack Donaghy/Liz Lemon – 30 Rock
JD/Turk – Scrubs
Neal/Peter – White Collar
Peter/Olivia – Fringe
Shawn/Gus – Psych
Ted/Marshall/Barney – How I Met Your Mother
Sam/Dean – Supernatural*

Honorable Mention: Penny/Sheldon (Big Bang Theory), Chuck/Morgan (Chuck)

Best Chemistry – A romantic kind of platonic
Becket/Castle – Castle
Bones/Booth – Bones
House/Wilson – House
Stabler/Benson – SVU
Will/Emma – Glee

Guiltiest Pleasure – TV
The Bachelor
Gossip Girl
Greek
Jersey Shore
Vampire Diaries

Actor I Most Want To Marry 2009
Alexander Skarsgard
Bradley Cooper
David Tennant
George Clooney
James McAvoy
Joseph Gordon Levitt
Nathan Fillion
Robert Downey Jr
Ryan Reynolds
Sam Worthington

Honorable Mentions: Chris Pine, Michael Fassbender, Ryan Gosling

Most Overrated
Avatar
Megan Fox
Mo’Nique in Precious
Twilight – New Moon
Up in the Air

Honorable Mentions: Paranormal Activity, Glee, The Hangover

Most Underrated
17 Again
Chris Bauer in True Blood
Drag Me To Hell
Dollhouse
Sam Rockwell in Moon
The Informant!*

Honorable Mentions: Where the Wild Things Are, Greek, Vampire Diaries, Supernatural,

Best Graphic Novel
Asterios Polyp
Final Crisis
Scott Pilgrim V5
Stitches
Wonderful World of Oz

Best Comic Series
Buffy Season 8
Fables
The Walking Dead
X-Factor
X-Force

Honorable Mentions: Chew, DMZ

Best Video Game
Assassin’s Creed 2
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Dragon Age: Origins
Left for Dead 2
Modern Warfare 2
Uncharted 2*

Honorable Mentions: Beatles Rock Band, Sims 3, Super Mario Brothers Wii, Borderlands

Best Villain
Ben Linus – Lost
Cl. Quaritch – Avatar
Hans Landa – Inglorious Basterds
Maryann Forrester – True Blood
Nero – Star Trek
Norman Osborne – Marvel Universe
Other Mother – Coraline
Sue Sylvester – Glee
Sylvia Ganush – Drag Me To Hell
Trinity Killer – Dexter

Honorable Mentions: Bellatrix Lestrange, Ozymandias, Jennifer, Lord Blackwood, Sylar

Best Musician/Band
Karen O/Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Lady Gaga
Muse
Phoenix
Taylor Swift

Honorable Mentions: Beyonce, Animal Collective, Florence & The Machine

Best Book
Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins
Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman
The Magicians by Lev Grossman
Pride & Prejudice & Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith
Under The Dome by Stephen King

Most Romantic Line EVAR 2009

Time Traveler’s Wife – “I wouldn’t change one second of our life together.”

Avatar – “I see you.”

(500) Days of Summer – Tom: [about Summer] “I love how she makes me feel, like anything’s possible, or like life is worth it.”

Up – Ellie: [her last message to Carl] “Thanks for the adventure. Now go have one of your own.”

Battlestar Galactica – Admiral Adama: [his final words to Laura Roslin] “I laid out the cabin today, it’s going to have an easterly view. You should see the light that we get here. When the sun comes from behind those mountains… it’s almost heavenly. It reminds me of you.”

The Office – Jim: [about Pam] “The boat was plan C. The church was plan B. Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.”

Julie & Julia – Paul: [to Julia] “You are the butter to my bread, the breath in my life”

Star Trek – Uhura: [to Spock] “I’ll be monitoring your frequency”

Inglorious Basterds – Shosanna Dreyfus: [her image on the screen smiles] “Marcel… burn it down.” Marcel: [standing behind the screen, he smiles] “Oui, Shosanna.”

The Young Victoria – Albert: [to Victoria] “You’re the only wife I’ve got or ever will have. You are my whole existence, and I will love you until my very last breath.”

Best Fan Outreach
True Blood In World Merchandise (Orange True Blood drink, Merlottes/Fangtasia glasses, etc)
Avatar Imax Day
Jeffster performing on Chuck panel during Comic Con
Joss Whedon letters in exclusive Comic Con Dollhouse DVD/Blu-Ray
Lost’s Damon, Carlton & A Polar Bear
District 9 “For Humans Only” signs
Real Actors on Twitter
Casting Battlestar actors in other series (24, Dollhouse, Human Target, Californication, Supernatural, etc)
The introduction of 3D to Comic-Con’s Hall H
Tron’s Flynn’s Arcade at Comic Con

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We actually have 36 categories now…we can’t help ourselves…

A list of those categories after the jump!

Film

Best Picture ** Best Actor ** Best Actress ** Best Supporting Actor ** Best Supporting Actress ** Best Director ** Best Screenplay (Adap.) ** Best Screenplay (Orig.) ** Best Score ** Best Romantic Chemistry ** Best Platonic (or is it?) Chemistry ** World I’d Most Like To Visit ** Best On Screen Animal (live action or animated) ** Best Voiceover (live action or animated) ** Epic Fail Movie (by @geekgirls) ** Best Fight/Battle Sequence (by @acorn_hat) ** Guiltiest Pleasure ** Best Animated Film (by @onnabugeisha)

Television

Best TV Show of the Year ** Best Actor on TV (any size role) ** Best Actress on TV (any size role) **Best Romantic Chemistry ** Best Platonic (or is it?) Chemistry ** Guiltiest Pleasure

Film or Television

Most Romantic Line EVAR (by @that_sarah) ** Best Fan Outreach Endeavor (@caitlin_burns) ** Best Characterization of an Established Figure (by @pardonmysass) **

Any Platform (Film, TV, Video Games, Comics)

Most Overrated ** Most Underrated ** Best Villain (by @acorn_hat)

Misc.

Actor I’d Most Like to Marry 2009 Edition ** Best Graphic Novel of the Year ** Best Comic of the Year ** Best Video Game of the Year ** Best Musician of the Year ** Best Book of the Year (fiction or non-fiction)

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Last night, I had the pleasure of attending the Damon, Carlton and a Polar Bear event, culminating months and months of work.

As you may recall, back in July, Damon, Carlton and Paul Sheer staged a bit where Sheer presented our lovely show-runners with a velvet painting consisting of, well, Damon, Carlton, and a Polar Bear. Thus began what has become a source of CRAZY for most Lost fans. Or at least, for me. See, every few weeks, a new limited edition Lost art print was released and every time, they all sold out before I could buy one. So when I heard that there was going to be an event at Gallery 1988 with all the art on display, plus special surprises, OBVIOUSLY I was gonna go.

Sure enough, our line-waiting efforts were rewarded with a free badass poster on card stock, none of this flimsy shit, and the chance to buy any of the original artwork, some crazy magnetized figurines or the best thing ever – a shirt version of the Olly Moss Locke print. Damon, Carlton, Bob Orci & Alex Kurtzman were all in attendance, along with tons of the artists behind the prints and other behind the scenes Lost folk. At one point I walked by Orci, Kurtzman & Doc Jensen from EW having a chat and it made my geek heart oh so warm.

Below are some photos from the exhibit, featuring brand new art & some shots of Damon and Carlton. Sans polar bear.


I lied! Polar bear!

One of my favorite new pieces

More after the jump!


The crowd inside – can you spot Doc Jensen?

Ronie Midfew Arts!


I liked this guy’s shirt


Showdown pieces. Charlie/Coke, Sayid/Ben – what the hell is the third one? Were a TON of these, all of which can be seen in the complete flickr album. Amazing stuff.


Damon & Carlton being interviewed in between chatting/signing with fans!


Magnetized crazy figurines of Locke & Hurley going for $815!


The various stations on the island

Locke being badass

Best shirt EVAR

Orci, Kurtzman and Doc Jensen

Check out more photos of the event & the original art here on my Flickr

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No 90210 on tonight, so to hold us over until next week, here’s last week’s Semi Live Blogging!

Previously on 90210

Naomi is a lying ho who cant get into college

Jasper is a drug dealer, despite claiming he isn’t, but is REALLY intense about making sure he gets caught in that lie. WHY.

Annie & Jasper did it. Blech.

Silver’s mom died and now we have to watch her cry and stuff. Buh.

And now for this week’s episode!

Episode 10: To Thine Own Self Be True

Live blogging after the jump!

Silver’s mom is taken to the ER. Silver runs and her face gets all contorted. Ohhh, she’s sad, I get it.

Naomi asks Navid if she can join the school broadcast…what exactly is the Blaze? Afterschool Broadcast Journalism? Does any school actually have this program other than West Beverly?

But rejoice! Naomi’s asking because she realizes that she can’t sleep her way into college and that she might actually have to ::gasp:: work?!!?!

But she wants to do a sex segment called Clark After Dark. I don’t want sex advice from Naomi. nope nope dont want it please stop

Navid says she can help by unpacking some AV equipment and then says “exsqueeze me” for some reason

“Adrianna’s on drugs” “Pshh, noooo.” Didnt Naomi and Navid have that exact same conversation last episode?

My cat starts crying when she notices her reflection in the mirror. I am distracted for a good 30 seconds. What just happened?

Oh. This. : Naomi: Are you on drugs? Adrianna: Can’t you tell by the way my hair is parted?! Of COURSE I’m on drugs.

Except that Adrianna’ s actual response was more like “I’m not on drugs, trust me, I’d never lie to you, ever ever ever, you can totally trust me, no drugs.”

Liar

Adrianna points out to Naomi that when she was on coke, wasn’t she acting totally different? That somehow convinces Naomi. She’s not acting like she’s on coke cause she’s on downers, Naomi, heellloooooo there isn’t just ONE drug on the planet.

Damnit. Silver’s mom isn’t dead, just gonna die. Ugh now we have to deal with all these goodbye scenes and more of Silver’s contorted face, buhhhhhhhhhesfisefhkjsdhfgjhgf

Jessica Stroup has really gotten the short end of the stick on this show. She started off making out with the cast member who looks like he’s 12 and has zero sex appeal, then went crazy, and now just cries about her alcoholic mom all the time. Booooring.

Kelly doesn’t wanna see her dying mom. Do I really have to recap this storyline?

It’s morning at Debbie & Harry’s house (Debbie Harry? Lead singer of Blondie? Was this on purpose?). Dixon is an asshole and Annie is all chipper. I don’t really care.

Huh. Dixon & Annie both had sex with psychos. Too many psychos on this show. It’s getting old.

Jasper slept over?! Scandal!! I wish he was normal. Siiigh.

Annie tells Jasper that her parents said he could come over for dinner. Debbie knocks on the door and asks if Jasper would like mahi mahi or chicken for dinner. Annie inexplicably chooses mahi mahi. What high school student picks fish over chicken? I don’t care where you go to high school, I call bullshit.

JASPER IS SO CREEPY. Just standing there, doing nothing, he’s so creepy.

Opening Credits.

Ivy’s mom suddenly has a recording studio. And they are gonna use it to bring down Naomi’s sister. Ooookay.

Ivy jumps on Liam’s back. JUMPS ON HIS BACK. WHY. Stop it. And why is this a handheld walk and talk?! That scene was a whole lot of awkward.

Who DOES that?!

Navid & Dixon judge Jasper from afar. Sigh. I hate it when the outcasts everyone hates are actually bad people.

Naomi pretends she is hosting a show about sex advice. Ah! She’s creeping me out. Stop talking about sex. Stop stop stop.

Why do you hate me so, 90210?

Hot College Guy wants to do “filthy things” to Naomi. You’re in college! Filthy things to a high school junior?! No no gross gross.

The Dean of CU, mother of Richard, the guy Naomi dated to get into CU, walks in on Naomi making out with Richards roommate, Hot College Guy. Hahaha Naomi, getting what you deserve NO CU FOR YOU.

Cut to Ryan & Jen getting dressed up to which I say NO WHY ARE THEY STILL TOGETHER?! STOP IT. NOOOO RYAN. Ughhhh.

Blair Waldorf could pull off all of Jen’s lines way better than Jen could. Jen wishes she was more like Blair Waldorf.

Ryan wants Jen to see more of “his world.” But Jen doesn’t like your world, dump that shit, please

Hot College Guy dumps Naomi for using the phrase “Carbo-Loading.” Oh, that’s not why he dumps her?

Hot College Guy actually dumps Naomi for admitting she was using Richard to get into CU. Haha college boys don’t like girls who use boys, take that Naomi. Go be a good student and stop being a ho.

Navid is filming a boring segment for The Blaze. Adrianna storms in and says, in front of the camera guy, “Why did you tell Naomi I was using?”

Guy behind camera says “I’m gonna go away from here” and thoroughly earns his sag day rate! First genuine laugh of the episode.

Adrianna is pulling a Jasper and going REALLY out of her way to lie. There are gonna be bad consequences when the truth comes out

Adrianna tells Navid that he was easy to get over. Yikes. Jessica Lowndes just pulled that off very nicely. I buy her bitchiness. The acting backs it up.

Jen arrives at Ryan’s with a shitload of stuff for camping. Apparently she went to the Beverly Center to grab some things. She’s an idiot.

Silver and Kelly. We consider fast forwarding again.

Why do they think this a storyline anyone wants to watch? ZZZzzzzzzz.

Naomi stops by CU to speak to Richard. Is she gonna tell him the truth and apologize?! Is Naomi gonna grow as a person?!!?!

Hey Richard, how do you feel about Naomi? I can’t tell.

Naomi says watching the movie about industrial meat production just gave her a craving for “kobe sliders” heehee. Second genuine laugh of the episode.

Dixon tells his parents that Jasper is a drug dealer RIGHT before he arrives for dinner. Dixon is such an ass. Even though Jasper IS in fact a drug dealer. Still a dick move.

Ryan wants to use Jen’s New York Times to start a fire. She gets all huffy. Yeah right like Jen reads the Times. Ah hah! Ryan correctly guesses that she only reads the Style section, which will not be used to start the fire. Hey Ryan – did you hear yourself? You are saving THE STYLE SECTION. WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS WOMAN?

Ryan says he didn’t bring anything to prepare for bad weather because “It never rains in LA.” Uh. Did you just move here?! It rains here.

Jen freaks out at Ryan for not checking the weather report. Why didnt SHE check the weather if she’s such a freak about it? I hate her so much.

Navid, Ivy, Dixon & Liam get together to unpack AV equipement. … Where is Teddy in this episode? Why is no one even mentioning him?

Their revenge plot is way lame.

Ivy, stop palling around with Liam like that! Why is everyone so awkward.

Jasper, Annie, Harry & Debbie enjoy dip. Harry & Debbie are visibly frightened by Jasper.

My mom comments that Jasper’s hair is stupid.

Can’t say I disagree.

Annie gets upset about how dumb everyone at her high school is. Jasper tells Annie “Hey, we talked about this, right? You just gotta forget it.” My dad comments that if a guy ever talked to me like that in front of him & my mom, they’d kick him out on the spot.

Jasper says “I know you think I’m a drug dealer,” then insists he isn’t. Except he is and AUGH this is annoying, some bad shit is gonna go down.

Naomi arrives to unpack Navid’s “crap.” Hmm, I like Naomi more now that she has a heart.

Ah hah. Here’s why she had to help. She runs into Liam, he hurts his hand, she puts ice on it. For no reason, prompted by nothing, Liam tells Naomi he wishes he could take back what he did last year and he regrets it every day.

“The show says I still love you, so I guess I still love you? Did I get it right?”

They still have ZERO chemistry.

This heart to heart moment between Liam & Naomi was REALLY not warranted, 90210

Eraser of death kills Kelly’s mom. Kelly is sad. I’m a little sad for her.

ERASER OF DEATH

Ryan & Jen get in the car cause it’s raining. Jen wants to leave. They get into a fight cause Ryan always does what Jen says but she hates whatever he wants to do. Ryan puts up with it cause he likes stupid barbies. Shouldn’t the message here be that intelligence is sexy, not vapid whore-ness?

Oh they moved Silver & Kelly’s mom to a private room. Not dead. Kelly has time. Yawn.

Debbie, Harry & Annie talk about Jasper. Sidenote: I like Annie SO much more this season

Oh shit! Harry says Annie can’t see Jasper anymore. She asks if it’s because of the stupid rumor. Debbie says its more than the rumor, it’s because “Jasper is odd.” Bwhahaha. Good call, Mama 90210.

Kelly and mom. zzzzzzz.

Hot College Guy forgives Naomi for using Richard. “It was hard for me to stay mad at the [17 year old] girl I’m falling for.” If they break up, he can’t commit statutory rape! Oh noes!

Psychos and Statutory Rape. All this show knows how to do. Oh and drugs. Lots of drugs.

Naomi breaks up with Hot College Guy because…she is still hung up on Liam?! Oh come onnnnn. No chemistry, nothing to back it up. Lame.

Hahaha, Annie tells creepy Jasper that she is forbidden from seeing him. Hahahaa. I laugh and laugh and laugh. Jasper throws the phone at the wall.

Naomi goes to Adrianna’s to complain about breaking up with Hot College Guy. She notices Aid’s drugs, yells at her & leaves.

Aaaaand “No Drama Adrianna” will now be “Overdose Adrianna” yet again.

Hey, Hot Sleepy Teacher fell asleep! Awesome.

Jen is building a tent, making an effort to fit into Ryan’s world, set to Ryan Adam’s cover of Wonderwall. Why is the show trying to make us think that Jen cares about anything? Thankfully, we know better.

Ryan says there is nothing Jen could say that would make him like her less…I tend to…disagree…emphatically.

Why does Jen think it’s so bad to admit her husband cheated on her? That doesn’t reflect poorly on her character, it reflects badly on her ex-husband’s. She sucks.

Ryan and Jen are all lovey dovey. Don’t buy it. Can’t wait for this charade to end next week.

Just threw up in my mouth a little

Silver and Kelly’s mom dies for like the 80th time. Is it real yet?

Is this storyline over yet?

And Jasper TRIES TO KILL NAVID by pushing him down the stairs. Are you kidding me?!

See? Jasper’s totally normal, Navid. Only normal people try to kill each other, duh.

Ivy’s contribution in tonights episode has exclusively been “Liam, I’m gonna touch you and say one line and be cute lalalala” Oh well. I still like her more than most of the people on this show. Especially Jen.

Next Week: The truth about Jen comes out! Finally. If Ryan forgives her, so help me…

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Joannie herself on an episode of Undressed from 1999. I used to watch this show ALL THE TIME. This was only one year before I would become a huge Christina fan thanks to Showtime’s Beggars and Choosers.

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Previously on 90210

Jasper is dealing drugs to Adrianna! Who saw that coming? Oh, everyone? Cool.

Jen tells Hot Sleepy Teacher that Liam hit on her cause she’s a stupid whore. Hey. Call em like I see em.

Dixon’s fake-baby momma, (who we refer to as Pretty Statutory Rape Girl over here at All Things Fangirl) told him she had a miscarriage so he wouldn’t know she was crazy. Debbie decided to let him keep believing this cause she’s a bad mom.

Liam & Ivy totally make out. Finally after a whole one episode of sexual tension, I couldn’t take it anymore! /sarcasm

Onto this week’s episode!


Season 2, Episode 9, A Trip To The Moon

Dixon is playing a video game with headphones on. We get to hear what he is hearing, including his dad attempting to talk to him. I approve of this sound effect & want to go to there.

Harry tells Dixon that because he is the principal, he got Dixon back on the surfing team! Oh yeah, Dixon got kicked off the surfing team. I forgot because I care so much.

Harry claims these special privileges are okay because there were special circumstances….you mean the special circumstances of Dixon being a lying idiot who didn’t use protection?

DEBBIE, TELL DIXON THAT PSRG LIED. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU.

Debbie insists again that we need to “trust” her. This can only mean one thing. This episode will deal with how Debbie cannot be trusted. Thanks for hitting me over the head with that, 90210, otherwise I wouldn’t understand what’s going on!

Oh great, Silver’s boring storyline is back.

Silver tells her mom what her cancer schedule is for like, a full three minutes. We contemplate fast forwarding through it after about 30 seconds.

Did Silvers mom just become a robot? Or am I really that stoned & bored that I just projected my feelings onto her. Anyone else just notice how creepy that was?

Robot.

Naomi wants to throw Silver a party but Silver says she has too much to worry about with her mom. Silver is getting on my nerves in a very intense way.

Adrianna’s hair isn’t done! CLUE. Totally on drugs. Again. Thanks 90210 for that tip. You’re so deep.

No side bangs = Totally on drugs. Rule #1.

Wait. Did Naomi just say “half-birthday?” This is over Silver’s half birthday?

Are Ivy & Liam at the”I’m acting like your girlfriend” stage already?! We met her TWO EPISODES AGO. This show flys through relationships WAY too quickly. Ruins the fun.

TEDDY IS WEARING A SWEATER OVER HIS SHOULDERS

Offensive

Ohhh, half-birthday means something important to Silver. Got it. Ah! It’s related to her mom being a drunk! It all comes full boring circle.

Yeah, Silver flirting with Teddy? BAD idea.

Jasper confronts Navid for telling Annie he’s a drug dealer. Jasper insists that he isn’t a drug dealer & tells Navid to check his sources if he’s such a good reporter. Uhhhhh. Jasper’s really going out of his way to caught in a huge lie. I mean. Dude. You’re GONNA get caught. You’re selling to his ex-girlfriend and challenged him to check his sources. Are you a complete idiot?!!?

Opening Credits

The rest after the jump!

Incomprehensible Los Angeles traffic speak from Annie & Jasper. I tune out.

Jasper’s dad is famous? Did I miss that? Then everyone would all over him. He wouldn’t be an outcast. What’s happening in this scene?

Ivy, Teddy, Dixon and Liam wait in the longest lunch line ever while they wonder why Liam is being such a dick. Why is this line not moving? Ivy cuts it cause she waits for NO ONE.

Aaaand Teddy is STILL wearing that god damn sweater. Dude. Cease & desist.

Who DOES that?!

Eyu does Teddy think he & Silver are flirting and then he is gonna try something and she is gonna be like, “what’s wrong with you, we’re just friends” and he’s gonna be like “But I did all that for you and your mom!” and she’s gonna say “yeah cause you’re my friend” and he’s like “no, cause I wanna sleep with you.” and then I’ll laugh and laugh?

Jasper sells Adrianna drugs. Navid SEES IT. Caught. That didn’t take very long.

We pause 90210 to talk about how great Gossip Girl is. Literally. And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

Teddy treats Silver’s mom like I treat the 9 year olds I nanny for. She has cancer, she’s not 4.

Adrianna has druggie face eyes!

Aw druggie face eyes, how I’ve missed you.

Rick Rosenthal (director of Halloween II and tonight’s episode of 90210) is a big fan of constantly moving shots. None of the frames are still. Haha it’s making me giggle. This entire scene is nothing but the camera zooming in closer & closer on Adrianna & Navid. I don’t even know what’s happening cause I can’t stop laughing.

DIXON, stop wearing those silly hats.

I thought we were past this

Dixon needs to go check on PSRG. Debbie realizes she has to tell him the truth. Finally, jebus, took you long enough


Debbie says she didn’t want him to know cause she didn’t want Dixon to feel like a fool “and not trust women.”

Except, he SHOULDN’T trust women who aren’t trustworthy. Like Crazy PSRG. Now, maybe, he’ll know the signs for next time. Even though there were no signs cause the show didn’t decide she was crazy until one episode ago.

Jasper & Annie read through a scene. I can’t tell when they stop reading it & start acting for real. It creeps me out.

Does Jasper ACTUALLY like Annie or not? I’m so confuuuused.

ANNIE DROPS THE L BOMB. TOO SOON, ANNIE. TOO SOON.

Jasper replies “I wanted to be the one who said it first” , but looks like he’s gonna slap her afterwards. Creepy fuck.

If that’s what your boyfriend’s face is like when he’s confessing his love – time to walk away

He’s still manipulating her, right?

Navid confronts Jasper about selling to Adrianna. Jasper lies his way out of it. Damn. Jasper’s a good liar. Annie is so fucked.

Teddy is such a galumph. That’s the only sound I hear when I see him. Galumph galumph.

Liam is such a dick when he is in a bad mood! Unattractive. I’d no longer be attracted to him if I was Ivy.

When the hell did the cancer-ridden mother have time to do all this? Oh…the nurses helped? Yeah, sure, not like they have anything better to do…

Not to mention, that would have cost a fortune! Oh, Teddy paid for it. Uh oh. No such thing as a free lunch, Silver.

Double the old school arcade machines = double the sexytimes

Dixon says he can’t trust Debbie! Surprise surprise!

“It’s not like she’s my real mom” Oh shit just got REAL

Why is everyone on this show such an asshole?

Sillverr borrinnggg

Jessica Stroup cries on cue. I dont know why cause I’m only half paying attention to this storyline.

Silver’s mom is totally gonna die on her half birthday. I don’t think you NEED to be this predictable, 90210.

I like that Teddy is only kind of an asshole. He’s never been like, a DICK, has he? Brushing Adrianna off was more just…an oversight/misunderstanding, he wasn’t trying to hurt her. Cause Galumph’s aren’t mean guys, just kind of stupid & inconsiderate.

I thought Ivy was kneeling down to pounce on Liam, superhero style. That was cool.

See her kneeling down? Yeah, this would be less lame if I knew how to make gifs. Agreed.

Liam finally tells someone about lying evil Jen! Jesus! It’s about time! Are they gonna get revenge on Jen, Gossip Girl style? Ah hah! Yes they are. Cause that’s what underdeveloped best friends are for.

Liam says he slept with Jen. Dixon feels bad. Yeah, asshole Dixon, your sister wasn’t lying, Loser.

They are. High fiving. Over their revenge plot. Take a cue from Blair Waldorf. Has she EVER high fived anyone? No. Because PEOPLE DON’T DO THAT.

Liam doesn’t understand what’s going on

Jasper is sketching pictures of Annie under water? Is he planning on drowning her?

Dealbreaker

We start worrying that Sasha actually is pregnant and we’re gonna have to endure more of this storyline…oh god no, please don’t do that. I can see the scene now. 90210 Writer #1: “What if she actually IS pregnant?!” 90210 Writer #2: “Genius! No one will see it coming! We are so clever.”

Jasper is so CREEPY. Is he trying to take Annie’s virginity so then he can crush her even more? Is this a really elaborate, really long con?

Annie’s wearing a little kids bra. Although it’s true most girls aren’t wearing sexy lingerie all of the time. So I appreciate this.

Regular Day Bra. Accurate.

So Ivy & Liam have continued “having fun” and we haven’t seen it? That sucks. I like it when we see every important moment, every bit of development in a relationship. Like Buffy did. Siiiigh. 90210 WHY DO YOU DEVELOP NO RELATIONSHIPS?!?!

Continuing to not hate Rumer Willis. Will let you know if/when this changes.

Annie copies the phrase “Me too, I love you” from her phone’s stored phrases and sends it to Jasper. Um.

How often does she say this to people?!

Dixon apologizes to Annie, but Annie is a bitch to him. Well, can’t say she hasn’t been provoked. Dixon should be on his knees groveling for putting Annie threw that shit.

Adrianna turns on the waterworks & makes up a story to Naomi about how she was robbed when really, she used the money for drugs. Oh Adrianna, you’re a good liar too. It makes me sad.

Guilt is a bitch, Adrianna. Have fun with that.

Teddy calls Silver at midnight so he can be the “First person to wish you a happy half birthday” – Yeah. He’s hooked.

At least he’s no longer wearing that god damn sweater

Silver’s mom. Dead. Called it.

Aaaand scene. Til next week!

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